CHUCK GARABEDIAN: Mr. Moore. Thanks for being here today.
RON MOORE: It's my pleasure.
CHUCK: I understand you want to talk to the studio today about this series you're working on.
RON: Right. Yes. Well, you've all seen Battlestar: Galactica, right? I'm looking to do the same thing with that kid's show from a few years ago, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.
HAROLD LEWIS: Really.
RON: You've got it. The original series had a lot of unexploited potential, I think. And re-imaginings are all the rage now. I mean, they just had Enterprise, and they're putting Star Trek back up on the big screen. The formula's pretty simple. You take an old series, sex it up with some new special effects, invert the genders of a few critical characters, and, above all, make it darker, or, as I prefer, "darkÿr."
HAROLD: Darker... or "darker?"
RON: "Darkÿr."
HAROLD: "Darkÿr?"
RON: Precisely. So here's my take on the whole thing. Earth, 2027. The United Confederation of Allied States is engaged in war with the Federated Union of Aligned Sovereignties. The fighting is relentless; millions have died; the suffering is palpable. We do a few long shots of destroyed cities and mothers feeding their children the rotting flesh of their deceased fathers, while sister, hollow-eyed and incapable of tears, looks on, prayers for death leaving her softly-fluttering lips. Giant mechanized walkers roaming the wasteland, pumping machine gun fire into wearied refugees (and it has to be machine guns - lasers and shit aren't visceral or "darkÿr" enough). Then, suddenly, an alien threat: Rita Repulsa, lesbian witch-goddess of the planet Puk-Nak and that guy with the blue face have come in big spaceships at the command of Space Emperor Shrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'vu and seek to enslave humanity. We stand at a threshold: do we put aside our differences and unite to combat this new evil? Temporary truce is declared; a task force of both sides' soldiers is put together. Under an ancient Tibetan temple are found giant robots that come together to form a much larger robot. That robot is also gay and does not care very much for its father. But the robot can fly and shoot missiles and it will fight. At least, it will fight for as long as our Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers can conceal their loathing for one another and for all things living. Also, in the temple they find a prophecy concerning the fate of humanity, which will be revealed bit by bit and as I make it up. What I say in the fiftieth episode will probably not be at all consistent with what I say in the first. So. There you have it.
CHUCK: But what's the hook? I mean, in Battlestar you turned Richard Hatch into a woman. That got people saying "This guy has great big frackin' balls."
RON: Well, you remember the Putties, right?
CHUCK: The grey guys, all blooga blooga, yeah?
RON: Right. Well, it turns out they're all mutant experiments gone wrong, horrible semi-fetal laboratory-grown monsters. But they have an ounce of humanity, you see. I think in the first episode somebody will fall in love and have sex with one. And then it will be a ghost in that guy's mind for two more seasons, and then it will go away.
HAROLD: Wow. Why a ghost?
RON: Why anything? Life is doomed.
HAROLD: Huh. Well, I'm sold. What do you think, Chuck?
CHUCK: Ron, will there be a non-sensical plot and no fewer than eleven Mexican stand-offs an episode? Will everyone's teeth be perpetually gritted? Will levity be destroyed along with humanity's innocence?
RON: And how.
HAROLD: Sold. Ron, you've done it again. Collect your bag of money and armful of fawning IMDB posts at the door. Ask Janice, she'll know what to do.
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